Edward H's Comment Board

Listing 1-6 of 6
1
of
1
Name Comment
Uffmoor Woods Music Club

Nov 8, 2008 1:19 PM

My esteemed colleague, be wary. My charwoman tells me of a wretched oupire stalking the halls of houndmills.
Schuman the human

Jun 4, 2008 3:51 PM

Thanks for being our friend Edward, pleased to make your acquaintance and hope you enjoyed the songs Sir.
MortimerMortimer Dulwich

Jul 17, 2007 1:18 AM

Edward,

While I am, of course, aware that our association has been less than cordial of late, I feel that being the decent, honest, sort of chap that I am I simply cannot disregard your impending surgery. I realise, of course, that the procedure to re-attach one’s Robertson’s Guffaw is but a trifle in medical terms. However, the fact that you have insisted upon going without the customary ether-induced stupor is truly remarkable (you were inspired, no doubt, by your late uncle’s unfortunate experience – and who would have thought it possible to abscond with a fellow’s eyes during a simple foot examination?)
Although this would be enough to perturb most men, that you have also allowed the procedure to be conducted by an untried practitioner from St. Bran’s Sanatorium indicates considerable stalwartness and stoutness of constitution. And the surgeon in question is a thrice-convicted pickpocket! Astonishing!

No doubt I shall pay some manner of visit in the coming months, that I might look over your condition. I trust the malady will prove not to be feigned, as was the last. How you managed to simulate rigor mortis for six months I shall never know. And all so you could play an infantile prank on that bothersome rascal Lord Inverness…

Never-the-less, assuming that the ailment is genuine, I trust you shall enjoy a full recovery with only minimal facial scarring.

Regards,

Mortimer Dulwich, esq.

PS. Having said that, should you perish, might I take custody of your delightful azure tea-set? And perhaps that Pigeonware decanter?

PPS. Oh, and what about that rare Toby-jug sculpted to represent General Brigsom-Timms?
MortimerMortimer Dulwich

Feb 14, 2007 8:20 PM

Edward, Edward… Please do not allow us to descend into petty enmities. Time and again I have expressed regret for the unfortunate incident involving your laboratory assistant, but, as revealed at Doctor Finkle’s trial, I was entirely innocent of any wrongdoing. This aside, I am saddened that you feel it appropriate to insult my works in print. I now realise that my statement regarding a favourable review credited to you was made in error (the review in question was in fact by a Mrs. Penny P. Haberdash – I am unsure why this error was made). However, I feel that, as the editor of such a disreputable publication as ‘Terror Unseen’, or what-ever you call it, you have no right to criticise my exertions. Your tawdry ‘penny-dreadful’ is a disgrace to the world of literature, and I remain astounded that you are able to sleep at night.

Regards,

M. Dulwich esq.

PS. How might I go about renewing a subscription? I only ask since my Great-Aunt is a subscriber and has asked me organise this on her behalf. She subscribes under the name ‘Mortimer Dulwich, esq.’ Many thanks.
MortimerMortimer Dulwich

Feb 12, 2007 9:28 PM

Edward…
As much as it pains me to return to your 'Trans-world Grid' page, I feel I must object in the strongest possible terms to your recent communiqué. While I found the message itself brusque in tone and incoherent in content, 'twas the medium I found most offensive. Your aged carrier-pigeon (I believe it is named Mintsy) arrived at my residence and disrupted my uneasy slumber this night past, and proceeded with an attempt to gain my attention, in the process dislodging a prized chrysanthemum atop my window-sill. The bird remained out-side my dormer window for the best part of an hour after I had collected the attached document, and caused great distress to not only myself, but my caged song-bird, Benfry. In future, I must request that if you must initiate discussion, you do so via the system currently employed by myself. If this is for some reason impractical and bird-based contact must be made, then please do so at a reasonable hour. By the time yesterday's incident had concluded, it was almost half-past eight.

Regards,
M. Dulwich esq.

PS. I shall be billing you presently for the cost of replacing the chrysanthemum, pot and soil. Please expect delivery of the invoice no sooner than Thursday, as it has been dispatched by dog.
MortimerMortimer Dulwich

Feb 10, 2007 9:23 PM

Greetings, Edward. It's been a long time. Some might say too long.

Not me, however. Suffice to say I consider you a 'friend' only as a consequence of your positive assessment of my first novel, 'Eranthanon!' (the Fudgeley Review, 23rd Nov. edition) and our mutual admiration of Sir Tomance Chupney.

I trust this has settled the matter.

Regards,
M. Dulwich, esq.

PS. Oh yes, a review copy of 'Eranthanon Revisited' is on its way.
Listing 1-6 of 6
1
of
1